Lips Sealed: Avoiding Gossip in the Workplace

I deeply respect you for noticing the negativity and wanting to do something different. Gossip erodes trust, fractures relationships, and undermines would-be solutions. Ironically, the trust that gossip most erodes is not the individuals being gossiped about but rather the individuals doing the gossiping.  

 At its core gossiping is a disrespect and an undervaluing of fellow staff members. Some will try to cloak it in a “helpful” intent, but it still tears down the team bit by bit. When we allow others to speak poorly of our cohorts, we ourselves are disrespecting and undervaluing teammates right along with the gossipers. 

Honestly, the absolute best way to not engage in gossip is to set a clear and gentle, but firm, boundary. For example, you can simply state, “I would rather talk about something else” or even, “I prefer not to gossip.” This seems unfriendly but decidedly stepping away from negativity is much more friendly than allowing those around you to tear down other staff with hearsay.  

That being said, I know that setting that boundary as a new nurse can be intimidating, so here are four tips to help keep you away from uncharitable chatter. 

1. Don’t ask questions. It can be really tempting to ask for details when you are getting an earful, especially when the story is one that may have bearing on your interactions with a specific teammate. Asking questions about the story perpetuates the rumor mill. Don’t. 
2. Walk away. Removing yourself from the circle of conversation sends a subtle message that you don’t want to engage in degradation of coworkers. You can mutter something about grabbing another pack of suture  or pick up something off the counter and mention putting it away. 
3. Change the subject. If someone starts in on a story that you can tell is headed in the wrong direction, ask a question to distract them from their juicy tidbit. Get them talking about themselves by asking what they did last weekend, what their kids are involved in, or how things were when they started in the OR.  You can also ask concrete questions that give little room for opinions about other people, such as what tips they have for a new circulator, the policy on emergent consents, or what resources are available for night cases. Most everyone will respond to a request for advice and forget that they came in to spread stories.
4. Replace the negative with positive. Actively tell stories about the positive qualities of your colleagues. Share stories where someone did something that you appreciated. It is easier to fill empty conversation space with a positive than to simply try to extract or avoid the negative.

As nurses we depend a lot on our gut warning us and it behooves us to take heed. Your gut is warning you to stay out of the negativity, so listen to it. If some of your mentors take offense to you drawing a boundary, just keep doing what you’re doing: paying attention and learning. It may take a bit longer to build relationships if you don’t engage with the daily spilled tea but the relationships you do develop will be healthier. Your reputation will not be that you are unsociable or cold; on the contrary, your reputation will be one of trustworthiness and kindness. 

Just think, if we all did these things, then kindness would become the workplace trait that we accept as “just the way it is.”