NEW SHAVERS Nothing's more fun than an arthroscopic shaver trial.

Last month our operating room opened the door for vendors to demonstrate their latest and greatest arthroscopic shavers in order to determine how they rated against our current brand. Each week I trialed a new shaver for several surgeries. The results of each trial were eye-opening.

• Brand H (for horrible). The first vendor's shaver looked like it was machined at Kmart. The controls were awkward and you needed a PhD in biophysics to determine which button indicated "oscillate." The shaver blade didn't fit our standard cannula. The shaver worked so slowly I kept a diary. With each bit of feedback I offered the salesman, I was met with the standard reply: "We can fix that!" My response was, "When, before 2017?" Next!
• Brand B (for bland). The brand had all the excitement of a waffle iron. It was slow (not glacial, but tidal) and heated up faster than an IRA meeting. And metal shavings! There was more metal in the shoulder joint than in my mother's molars. The shaver handle was so big it had a ZIP code. Despite this, the salesman continually assured me that "we are working on some glitches." What if the entire device is one big glitch? Next!
• Brand P (for pretty good). Finally, Brand P's chance came, and to my delight it worked at least as well as our current shaver. Speed was good and the feel was decent. However, I did not care for the electronic voice that emanated from the console every time I changed shaver direction. C'mon, do I really need to hear "oscillate" while my playlist is blasting my favorite Big Daddy Kane song? Brand P's salesman also tried to sneak in his latest shoulder anchor in the midst of the shaver trial. Needless to say, the shaver performed better than the anchor.

Moment of truth
Then came the moment of truth when I had to sign the attestation forms and evaluate each device. Years of Catholic schooling precluded me from lying and I had great difficulty when I got to the line that read: "Should we replace our current system?"

Honesty is the best policy and I tried to separate myself from the potential effects my signature had on the livelihood of certain sales personnel. Patients' best interests first!

The good news is that I survived the month and I don't know the final outcome. In addition, we are in the process of building a dry arthroscopy lab for residents, and each sales force was generous in its offerings to stock our lab with outdated implants and materials. Their hopes of earning our business prompted some vendors to donate large volumes of equipment.

Timing is everything.

Thank God I survived the shaver trial.

Let's hope the camera trial isn't next month.